A Day in the Life of the Killer Moth
by Mr. Sinestro
Summary: Some villains just can't make it in Gotham City
1. The Killer Moth Vs Batman

Open: Int. FORTRESS OF DOOM. Day  
Inside the Fortress of Doom sits the Killer Moth with his henchmen, the Moth Balls, most of them cardboard cutouts to fill in space. The Fortress of Doom is actually a low-rent apartment on the bad side of Gotham City. The Fortress of Doom has a few computers, stolen from some very bad schools that really do not have the funding for good computers. The Killer Moth sits in his throne of choice, a Lazee Boy, and listens to the radio.

The Killer Moth  
They call this Classic Rock? What? This is like the fourth time today they played Fleetwood Mac! When has Fleetwood Mac become Classic Rock? More like Craptastic Rock to me. Come on! Moth Ball #98! What is our status on our nefarious plot of today?

Moth Ball #98, a slovenly henchmen, brings a piece of parchment up to the Killer Moth.

Moth Ball #98  
Sir, the kosher restaurunt plan is on schedule.

The Killer Moth  
Ah, yes. The plan to open up a kosher restaurant and... (dramatic music) SERVE NON-KOSHER MEAT PRODUCTS! MUHAHAHAHA!

Moth Ball #98  
But the bad news...

The Killer Moth  
Oh, great. Just when I was in a good mood you tell me this. Why can't I have one minute of euphoria without you destroying it like Lucas destroyed Star Wars? (Resting his head in his left hand) Go ahead...

Moth Ball #98  
Well, it seems that we can't actually open up the restaurant.

The Killer Moth  
Why is that?

Moth Ball #98  
It blew up last night.

The Killer Moth  
Did we get any insurance money?

Moth Ball #98  
No.

The Killer Moth  
Damnit. Now how am I going to pay for my college tuition? Well... Moth Ball...

Moth Ball #98  
Sir, there was something left near the restaurant.

He hands him a batarang.

The Killer Moth  
Batman? But he couldn't have known! I told no one but my Moth Balls...

Moth Ball #98  
Sir, why are we called Moth Balls when Moth Balls... kill Moths?

The Killer Moth  
BECAUSE I AM THE KILLER MOTH! I... kill... moths... no, wait, that isn't how it is supposed to go. I'm supposed to be killing the people of Gotham, right?

Moth Ball #98  
I guess. We haven't really killed anyone yet... in fact, I think we just did a bunch of plans that failed.

The Killer Moth  
Don't worry, I HAVE MORE PLANS! Uh... let's see... what is a good moth related crime?

Moth Ball #98  
Circling around a light?

The Killer Moth  
You are a dim henchman. You know that?

Moth Ball #98  
I'm your only henchman. You really can't afford anymore.

The Killer Moth  
Stop talking to me about financial problems. Besides... we got to kill Batman, my arch-nemesis.

Moth Ball #98  
But you actually have never met him...

The Killer Moth shoots Moth Ball #98.

The Killer Moth  
Well, great, now I killed you. Why did you have to bring me over the edge? You happy about that? Now I am going to have to take care of Batman myself!

In the shadows something moves.

Batman  
You are going to do what?

The Killer Moth (Very nervous)  
Oh shit.


	2. The Killer Moth Vs Monotony

The Return of the Killer Moth

(Open: Int. THE ICEBERG LOUNGE-BACKDOOR AREA. Night

Inside the insidious Backdoor Area of The Iceberg Lounge lie the scummiest, most vile criminals known to man. It is dimly lit and there are only a few tables, most of them in a state of disrepair.)

Joker: I'm telling you, boys, life for us is just like Monopoly. We sometimes get the Boardwalk and sometimes we go straight to jail. Either ways, we always get out of jail free. HA! HA! HA!

Two Face: We always have a 50/50 chance at any thing. It's all just a roll of these two dice, and we can go anywhere. It's all about chance.

Scarecrow: I personally love the dread when you land on someone else's property. That reminds me, Poison Ivy, you owe me $100 for landing on Baltic Ave.

Poison Ivy: Why should I pay you for the destruction of so much precious horticulture because of your baseless real estate development?

Riddler: Now, that's a riddle.

(The Killer Moth enters.)

Killer Moth: Helllooooooooooo compadres! Who's up for some canasta?

Joker: Who bailed him out of jail?

Two Face: Probably Penguin, so we would stop bringing the heat down on his club.

Scarecrow: That waddling oaf.

(The Killer Moth approaches the Joker.)

Killer Moth: Joker, my man! How's it been? Killed anyone lately? (nudging him) I'm sure you have.

Joker: And they say I'm the biggest joke in Gotham!

Two Face: You know the rules, Moth. A-list villains sit here. Z-list villains sit in the back.

Killer Moth: Wait, wait! I got a great backstory now. I was raised by two loving parents who abused with kindness! Stricken due to my evil nature, I ran away and lived with wolves! Helpless I left my cave and ventured out into the outside world! The only food in the world was worn out clothes! Fed up with the world after being fired from his part time job at McDonalds, I bought a costume with my pension! Thus, after years of solitude and never getting a steady job, I donned my mask and became THE KILLER MOTH!

Scarecrow: No, that's not going to work. Plus, you tended to shift between first and third person.

Riddler: I agree, and the plot holes really aren't helping the sympathy angle.

Poison Ivy: Yes, and your over use of exclamation points is a little worrying to say the least.

Killer Moth: Hmm… okay. How about this? I was a cryogenic expert until one day I was stricken by my own chemicals after trying to cure my terminally diseased wife! Thus, yada yada yada, I became the Killer Moth!

(Mr. Freeze steps up from another table.)

Mr. Freeze: Plagiarist! I worked hard to earn that backstory!

Killer Moth: Oh, yeah, _really hard_, Freeze. Arnold Schwarzenegger couldn't have done it better.

Mr. Freeze: I'll put you on ice!

(Mr. Freeze reaches for his gun but Captain Cold, Heat Wave, and Mirror Master hold him back.)

Killer Moth: Oh, yeah, _quote_ the movie. Hey, you know what; I'll make sure to send you to the _cooler_. How does that feel hearing that from someone else? Now you know how I felt watching that trash for 2 hours!

Captain Cold: Just let it go, Freeze.

Heat Wave: Yeah, I mean not everyone can have a sterling, revamped backstory everyday.

Mr. Freeze: This isn't over, Moth.

(Mr. Freeze leaves.)

Killer Moth: And tell Joel Schumacher I want my 8 dollars back…because I really need the money. Seriously, I wasted my last 5 dollars on cab fare coming here.

Scarecrow: Now, that's low Moth, I mean he had a great run as a villain until that film came out. It nearly ruined the man…just like Two Face…

Poison Ivy: Shhh… you know how self conscious he is about that film.

(Two Face slams his fist on the table.)

Two Face: Z-LIST TABLE! NOW!

(Killer Moth slinks to the back.)

Killer Moth: Hey, sorry pal, don't get so edgy. I'll…I'll just go back here now.

(He enters the backroom of the backdoor area (crazy, huh?) where the Z-list table is. It isn't even classy grimy like the rest of the backdoor area, it is more grimy grimy. At table sits Toy Man, Captain Nazi, Bat-Mite, and The Penny Plunderer.)

Captain Nazi: Zeig, Heil!

Toy Man: Really, stop that Captain Nazi, you can poke an eye out with that salute.

Penny Plunderer: My pants just dropped for no reason.

Bat Mite: THEN STOP CARRYING PENNIES ALL THE DAMN TIME! HIT ME! HIT ME! I WANT IN! BATTY NEEDS A NEW DIMENSION!

Killer Moth: Oh, great, now I realized why I tried to kill myself last week.

Toy Man: Oh, Moth! Thanks for showing up, we needed another man!

(Toy Man pulls up a chair for Killer Moth and Moth reluctantly sits down.)

Killer Moth: Well, at least I can make a few bucks this week before my welfare check comes in.

Toy Man: We're playing War.

Penny Plunderer: It's very simple and it doesn't require any complicated thought…my socks just fell off.

Captain Nazi: WE SHALL FIRST GO TO THE RHINELAND AND THEN TO POLAND! LEIBONSTRUM!

Killer Moth: I hate to say this, Nazi, but you missed the boat like 60 years ago. Just let it go.

(Captain Nazi breaks down in tears.)

Killer Moth: What's with him?

Toy Man: He…he lost the rent on his place. It seems the German mark is no longer a legitimate currency.

Captain Nazi: DAMN YOU EUROPEAN UNION! DAMN YOU CAPTAIN COLD!

Toy Man: Oh and he got kicked out of the Brotherhood of Captains, they demoted him to private after he punched Captain Boomerang in the face. He thought it was funny that he always…cums right back.

Killer Moth: How in the hell do they get to become captains?

Toy Man: Correspondence courses.

Killer Moth: Why don't we just play?

(Toy Man deals.)

Toy Man: So I hear you killed your only henchman.

Killer Moth: Yeah, well, he was bugging me.

Toy Man: You shouldn't really do that, they got unions now.

Killer Moth: I run a closed shop.

Toy Man: Don't you mean open shop?

Killer Moth: Closed shop sounds more evil.

Toy Man: You'll be lucky to get a non-union henchman in this town. I mean, the benefits are amazing, much better than my union: Toy Workers 129. They get premium health care.

Killer Moth: Like hell I am going to pay union rates for a henchman. I'm strapped for cash as it is.

Toy Man: Best henchmen are union ones. As long as they know they got other henchmen behind their back and a corrupt lobbying stooge in Congress, they work twice as hard.

Killer Moth: What do henchmen do anyways? Get beat up by Batman? I'm supposed to pay for that?

Penny Plunderer: Batman? WHERE? AHHHHHHHH!

(He jumps out the window.)

Penny Plunderer O.S: My toupee just droppeddddddd…..

(SPLAT!)

Toy Man: Eh, he'll be back.

Killer Moth: Yeah, at the B-List table. They'll probably give him some sort of backstory where he values everything that's worthless and has to set them free by killing them.

Toy Man: Hey, that sounds pretty good.

(The door goes slightly ajar.)

Two-Face O.S: Hey! Penny Plunderer! Congratulations on the new backstory!

Penny Plunderer O.S : Yes, I just have to thank Geoff Johns…I mean everyone does.

Captain Cold, Heatwave, Zoom, Mirror Master O.S : Here, here!

(Killer Moth slams the door.)

Killer Moth: Damn their esoteric ramblings!

Toy Man: Calm down, Moth!

Killer Moth: Calm down? Calm down? I'm playing War with a bunch of losers! How does that make me feel?

Toy Man: Take a breather, get some air. Probably you just need to find a new arch nemesis.

Killer Moth: Oh, you should talk! You fight friggin' Superman…with toys! TOYS!

Toy Man: It's supposed to represent childhood innocence and the corruption of youth!

Killer Moth: Call me the next time Superman succumbs to the corruption of youth, okay Toy Man? What sort of name is that? Is it supposed to strike fear into the hearts of bystanders?

Toy Man: Just calm down, Moth, everything will work out. Here, have a cigar.

Killer Moth: Ha! I knew you toy giants were working with big tobacco!

Bat Mite: HEY! HOW COME I DIDN'T GET TO TALK FOR A WHILE! HUH! HUH! HIT ME! HIT ME!

(Killer Moth shoots Bat Mite.)

Killer Moth: Now look what you made me do! I wasted my last bullet! You know what? I _am_ going to kill myself! See you losers in Heaven! Wait, what am I saying? See you from RICH MAN'S HEAVEN, where you roast in Hell! Ha! That's better.

(He exits… and then comes back.)

Killer Moth: Forgot my Orthopedic pad…oh, and hope you losers rot in poor man's hell.

(He exits.)


	3. The Killer Moth Vs Unemployment

"Please to meet you Mr…um…am I pronouncing this right? Mr. K-i-l-l-e-r Moth?"

"Yes, that's correct."

"Is that a foreign name?"

"No, it's American in origin."

"Uh huh. So we received your resume from Craig's List and I wanted to ask you a few questions about it before we start."

"Proceed."

"There seems to be a gap in your employment history from February 2006 to now. Care to explain that?"

"Well, I was trying to kill Batman in that time."

"Were you successful in your attempts?"

"No…but I did get pretty close one time when I stumbled onto him when I was trying to run away. That caught him by surprise."

"Uh huh. Yes, it seems from 2005 to 2006 your profession was "Super-villain." What did you do during that time?"

"Well…I…uh…trained henchmen to do my bidding. We, the henchman and I, did some team-building exercises like jumping out of burning buildings and shooting pigeons. I also created Microsoft Excel spreadsheets of inventory of nefarious gadgets and copyedited death threats to the city."

"And this henchman, did you list him in here as a peer reference?"

"No, he's dead. I…killed him. I mean, terminated. He…he was a time thief but, then again, aren't we all? Especially Clock King. Heh, heh."

"Uh huh. I see. Were you ever promoted in this position?"

"Well I moved up from the Z table to the…alpha table. I think that's a positive step."

"Hmm. What would you say is your greatest weakness?"

"Whew, what isn't? Heh, heh. Really, none of these jokes hitting? OK…um…well, I don't know when to quit. I guess I would say my biggest weakness is not really having any weaknesses because I think I'm a pretty, pretty awesome guy. My track record can prove that."

"Let me tell you what's this job entails. It's 9 to 5, basic entry-level salary. Your main responsibilities are to assist the district manager, check the stocks in the backroom twice a day, and to work the front if needed. You also get an unpaid thirty minute lunch break and five paid vacation days to be used at your leisure. Do you have any questions?"

"Yeah, are there any extended bathroom breaks? I have this…problem."

"Certainly. Unless you take the time to leave the office for personal business."

"Nevermind."

"Why would you be our choice for this job?"

"I work well independently as well as with a team. Better independently. Those super-villain teams are just filled with jerks. They all try to show-off how nifty their gadgets are while there are probably like 5 guys that have an ice gun or ice beam or ice whatever motif. How many ice guys do you need? And they ALL have the same story. It's embarrassing after a while. I'm very proactive…if I don't get a job done well I do the same thing over and over again until it eventually works. At least that is what I think proactive means. I don't know, I never read Man's Search for Meaning or any of that feel good, be an effective person crap. I'm also a pretty stable guy. I once stalked Green Arrow for about three years until I was given a restraining order. And some people consider me a very charming guy…I'm a people person. I love, love, love people. It's…yeah. I think that's it."

"Well, I do believe our time is up. I'll show you to the door."

"So, did I get the job?"

"We'll be in contact with you."

"Oh come on, that's just corporate speak for no. Just say no. It's a simple word!"

"Like I said, we'll be in contact with you."

"Seriously? That's all you've got? You people are more insidious than some of the other villains out there. You leave the carrot dangling on the stick and then you not only take it away but you stab the person with the carrot repeatedly…in slow motion."

"A couple of pointers. We run a very respectable company that doesn't like to take on high risk people such as yourself. You haven't proven yourself in the workforce as well as on the super-villain market. Also, I don't think it was wise to come in for a job interview dressed as a moth."

"DON'T DENY WHO I AM!...It was a pleasure to meet you and I look forward to hearing back from you. Is that all you suits want to hear?"

"Have a good day, Mr. Moth."

"I don't need to work here. This office is crumbling apart. You and your other McDonalds assholes can go to hell. I swear on this day that I'll make it my life's work to destroy you all! Well…once I finally get a steady job…and my car back. Soon! Oh shit, I think I left my bus pass in there."


	4. The Killer Moth Vs Christmas

It was the night before Christmas and all across the bridge, not a creature was stirring, not even at the bottom of the bottomless ridge. A lone man stood on the ledge, with his outdrawn wings shaped like a wedge, where he lifted his fist in anger as he said.

"Merry Christmas to all but I'd rather be dead!"

He dangled his foot over the nearly bottomless chasm but then his back began to spasm.

"Damn my scoliosis! Damn this town! Damn this rhyming! And damn you…uh…clown?"

A clown stood there at the end of the road and the moth-like man saw this sight behold.

"Seriously? What sort of mind frack is this?"

The clown walked steadily closer, slow carnival music trailing as he led, he walked closer still, and the moth-man was filled with dread.

"I am the ghost of Christmas future." He said "Pardon that I'm tardy but I just came from a crazy costume party."

"Dude, why couldn't you change? Don't you know clowns are…creepy as hell?"

"I prefer the term strange. Yes. I know. Don't get so leapy. I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm supposed to be creepy."

"Leapy? Is that even a word? Who writes your rhymes? Britney Spears when she's bored?"

"Do you want to see your future or not? I don't really care. I have like about a dozen other people I have to go scare."

"Fine. It's not like I have anything better to do."

"Good. Then…uh…what rhymes well with do?"  
"How should I know? I'm not Dr. freakin' Seuss."

"Blue! That kinda rhymes. It's not…perfect or anything but it will do. Then, yes, now I'm going to make you blue."

The world began to ripple as he played his devious magic trick.

"I hope you have some magic Advil. I think I'm going to be sick."

But before it could turn to another time, another man cried from across the bridge.

"No you don't, Christmas future. This man is MINE!"

He stepped into the light. He was covered in snow and his skin was pasty white.

"Clarence! You won't get your damn wings tonight!"

The ghost of Christmas future pulled out a gun as Clarence grinned.

"I can't wait to kill you Christmas future and cleanse this world of all that you sinned."

He took out a sword, bright and shiny, and the moth-man slunk away, as he was saying something whiny.

"Guys, guys. Why are you fighting over me? I honestly have no good redemptive values. Umm…Weeee."

Clarence sheathed his sword as he saw this pathetic sight.

"Because you are the only one I can redeem tonight. I spent the rest of the night getting loaded. You were here and, well, things kind of exploded."

The Ghost of Christmas future put away his gun.

"Oh, screw it, I was going to do it for fun. This guy isn't even worth it. He's so pathetic he makes me feel better about spit."

The Ghost of Christmas Future walked over for a hug and Clarence embraced him like some sort of happy anthropomorphic bug. The bridge was filled with happiness when the church bells rang but it was quickly replaced by the dark sound of a bang. The Ghost of Christmas Future stepped back and saw that he bled.

"Et tu Clarence?" He said as he dropped dead.

Clarence waved his gun to the moth man, still tiny and slim.

"Now get in my alternate reality, before I make you like him!"

"Okay, buddy. I don't want any trouble. I'll get there…like on the double."

"Ugh! I hate it when people rhyme trouble with double! It's lazy and stupid. It's like rhyming killing with spilling or stupid with cupid. It makes me irate. Also rhyming irate with hate. It's the same thing!"

BANG! Clarence's ears began to ring. When he was monologing, he forgot what the Ghost of Christmas Past did bring. The moth-man stood with the pistol still smoking.

"Will you shut up?"

He shot the gun again and Clarence fell.

"I hope you get your wings in hell!"

He tossed the gun in the snow, standing over Clarence's corpse. He gained a new sense of pride at his lack of remorse.

"Holy shit! I did something badass! Damnit. I feel alive! Finally, I know my purpose. I don't need to be this loser anymore. I don't even have to stand on this bridge. I can finally be what I always wanted to be…a SUPERVILLAIN!"

Suddenly a shot of ice froze his legs to the ground.

"What the hell is that sound? Damnit that hurt! I'll kill you fast. I like to be curt."

Mr. Freeze stood over him.

"You are going to do what? Now you can beg."

"Damnit…the gun's frozen to my leg."

And to all a goodnight.


	5. The Killer Moth Vs Dinosaurs

"Now…where were we?"

"You still have your ice gun pointed at my head. Geez, do you have short term memory loss or something?"

Mr. Freeze still held his ice gun to the Killer Moth's head on the bridge with the dead bodies of Clarence and the Ghost of Christmas Future behind them.

"I'm savoring the moment."

"Can you just get done with it? I was going to kill myself anyways tonight. Don't want to just get hyperthermia from the whole ordeal."

Mr. Freeze cocked his gun and pulled it back again.

"This reminds me of a story."

"It's not about your dead wife again, is it?"

"SHE'S CRYOGENICALLY FROZEN! THERE'S A DIFFERENCE!"

"I thought she was dead. Wait, what origin story were you going with now?"

"You know what? Forget it. I was going to tell you a poetic monologue about snow but now I'm just going to shoot you."

Mr. Freeze aimed his gun again but the bridge began to ripple. Clarence sprang barely back to life.

"With…my…last breath…I stab at thee."

He collapsed dead as Mr. Freeze and the Killer Moth spiraled backward into the past. They both landed with a thud on a rock. Killer Moth's legs defrosted quickly.

"What the hell was that?"

"How should I know?"

"Weren't you a doctor at some point?"

"I was a doctor of…of…oh hell, I forgot. Something to do with cryogenics."

"Doesn't seem to have a great deal of mobility. I mean, who uses that? Creepy celebrities with too much money?"

A gigantic roar shattered their conversation. The Killer Moth twisted his head around to see a full-grown T Rex charging at them.

"HOLY SHIT!"

Mr. Freeze whipped out his pistol and blasted it at the monster's wide-open mouth. It spiraled back as its mouth became filled with icicles. It stammered back and forth until, finally, it crashed its head on the jagged rocks next to it. Blood streamed steadily from its broken skull.

"You know what killed the dinosaurs? The ice age!"

"Damnit, why do you keep quoting that fracking film?"

"But…we're at the time of the dinosaurs. I have an ice gun."

"That doesn't mean you have to say it out loud. For crissakes…we're in the age of the dinosaurs! How in the hell are we getting back now?"

"Time travelers probably stop by here quite often."

"Yeah, I bet you killing that T. Rex basically irrevocably changed the future too."

"What madness are you bumbling about now?"

"Sound of Thunder? Ray Bradbury? Butterfly Effect? Any of this ringing a bell?"

"No. Not really. I read a lot of Dan Brown."

"Really? I thought you would be better than that."

"They're best when you turn your mind off."

"Coming from you, that's a lot."

"Now's not the time to prattle on about popular culture. We need to find shelter so we can search for…"

Suddenly, a giant allisaurus came out from a cave next to them and grabbed Mr. Freeze's torso by the jaws. He fired wildly as the dinosaur tossed him around in its jaws. He finally hit one of its eyes and it tossed Mr. Freeze into the carcass of the T. Rex. The dinosaur ran away as quickly as it came. The Killer Moth walked up to Mr. Freeze. His helmet was badly damaged and leaking coolant.

"Oh no. I'm dying. Killer Moth…tell my darling Noraaaaa this one last thing…"

"…I'm probably going to die around here too, dude."

"Just…just remember this…I wish that I could've touched her as…snoooww…"

And with that Mr. Freeze died. The Killer Moth took his ice gun and examined it.

"Well, at least I got this."

And so he waited there. Days past as nothing would happen. In the meantime, he carved up the dead T. Rex for meat and drew lude drawings in the dirt. Some days it would rain. Some days it wouldn't. He used the rocks around his cave to hurl at little dinosaurs to eat. One he tried to keep as a pet, but it wouldn't do any tricks so it shortly became food too.

It felt like a year when he saw another person walking in the distance. He was ragged now. His once proud Killer Moth costume was now nothing but torn cloth. True it wasn't much to look at when it was clean but more so now. He walked closer to the person walking in the distance with an exuberance he didn't feel in a long while.

"Umm…umm…what's the word for greeting someone? Shit. I completely forgot. Umm…Good…welcome!"

The visage stopped dead in its tracks. It slowly turned around and started running back to where it came from.

"No! Wait! I need social contact! Talking to rocks and Mr. Freeze's corpse isn't cutting it anymore! I tried naming one Wilson but I got annoyed at it after awhile!"

He ran faster now after training himself to not sit on a couch to eat a half empty bag of Doritos or browse the internet for porn. He eventually caught up with the person and tackled him.

"Hey! What's the deal with the running now?"

The sun's glow revealed to him whom he was chasing: his former henchmen.

"Please don't kill me again."

"…Are you one of those hallucinations brought on by extended isolation? Because if it isn't, then what sort of mind frack did I walk into?"

"Well…uh…I can probably explain better in my cave."

The henchman's cave was opulent as it was filled with jewels and taxidermy dinosaurs.

"We lived this close to each other and we never talked? You're like three mesas away from my place."

"Yeah, well, I don't get out much."

He clapped his hands and several tiny dinosaur servants brought over fine glasses of mimosas. The Killer Moth took a glass.

"Hey, I've been eating those little guys for months now. What's the trick?"

"Uh…not eating them."

"So how did you get here again?"

"I guess by shooting me I ended up going backwards through time."

"…That still doesn't make any sense."

"That's what happened to Batman, apparently."

He spit out his mimosa.

"What the hell? Batman was here?"

"Yeah. You know, he's actually a pretty chill guy. You two would get along famously."

"He's my arch-nemesis! Have you forgotten all of your henchmen training?"

"To be fair, I did try to kill him when he got here but then I remembered that you killed me. That wasn't really nice, Ted."

"Moth! Killer Moth! And you will tell me where I will find a time machine!"

"But…but I didn't time travel here. I live here now."

"Shenanigans. You trained the dinosaurs to make mimosas, you probably figured out some rudimentary system of time travel."

"Well…I do have some theories."

"Good. Make them work!"

"They're theories. They…you know what? How about you leave. I really don't need to take your harassment."

"Fine then I'll…

The conversation broke with a moan in the distance.

"Noraaaaaa!"

The henchman turned to the Killer Moth.

"You said he was dead."

"What? He just shouts Nora every other day or so. It must be some sort of…uh…death rattle. I don't know. ANYWAYS, back to what I was saying. Make me time travel!"

"No."

The Killer Moth took out his freeze gun.

"I wonder where you'll travel in time after this!"

"You know, if you kill me, I won't be able to share my secret to time travel…"

He aimed his freeze gun and fired. The gun jammed as ice froze over the nozzle.

"Damnit! I knew I shoulda brought more…whatever you use to fire this thing with!"

"Like I was saying…I won't be able to share my time travel theories with you if you kill me."

The Killer Moth thrust the frozen nozzle at the henchman's chest and stabbed him. The henchman tumbled backwards and fell to the ground nearly dead.

"Look what you did! You made me kill you! Again!"

He looked around.

"Oh crap, I probably shouldn't have done that."

The henchman lifted himself up weakly.

"Yes. Now you'll never know how…"

The Killer Moth picked up a rock and bashed the henchman's head in.

"…I probably shouldn't have done that either. Crap. Crap. Crap! I didn't even ask how you trained those dinosaurs to make fancy brunch drinks. To hell with it."

He walked out of the cave alone into the desert. In the distance, he could hear more cries of "Nora!" carried on the wind as the sun began to set. He stared pensively into the chasms as the reflection of the sunset made them appear a deep shade of red.

"Where did it all go wrong? I screwed up everything. I'm not a good supervillain. I'm not good at…well…life. Am I doomed to always be this incompetent? Why am I here? Why in the hell am I monologuing?"

He looked out down to his cave and saw someone staring over Mr. Freeze's nearly dead corpse. Running back, he shouted:

"Hey! Where did you come from?"

The man turned to reveal it was Booster Gold with his sidekick Skeets hovering overhead.

"Skeets, look! Some other wayward time traveler…"

The Killer Moth picked up a rock and lifted it over his head.

"Send me back to the future or so help me I will throw this rock! At you! In a way that will crush you!"

"Uh…well…we were going to help you anyways."

"…Oh."

He dropped the rock on Mr. Freeze's torso, which made him shout "Noraaaa" like a reflex. Booster Gold examined the Killer Moth inquisitively.

"What are you staring at? Haven't you seen a grown man wear a badly torn moth costume before?"

"Well…actually…"

"Screw it! Take me home Mr. Wizard! I'm sick of all these dinosaurs and lack of modern facilities."

"As you wish but I come from a very different…"

"Blah, blah, blah. Less talking, more time traveling."

They both blipped out of existence and reappeared back to Gotham in the present.

"YES! I thought I would never see this horrible, beautiful place again!"

He kissed the ground and abruptly spit it out.

"UGH! I think I picked up a disease or something."

A man in a business suit stopped and stared in horror.

"IT'S THE KILLER MOTH! AHHHH!"

He ran quickly away shouting and waving his arms wildly in the air like a Muppet.

"Yeah, real funny guy. I get that one all the time."

Another person walked by and stood in horror. He immediately fell to the ground on his knees.

"Please! Please don't kill me oh great Killer Moth!"

"…Joke's getting old, pal. Go away."

He ran away.

"I'm gone for, what, a year and suddenly I'm Gotham's biggest joke?"

Booster put his hand on his shoulder and pointed towards the sky.

"I don't think so."

The Killer Moth looked up in the sky to see the Bat signal replaced with a moth symbol. He looked further around to see his picture plastered all over on half torn wanted posters and on propaganda posters littered throughout the city. He smiled slightly at the sight of it all.

"Well…finally."


End file.
